I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
