If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
