somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found a bag of teeth...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You may now shotgun with the bride
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
