I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
