you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
