We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
