3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
