Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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