This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
