just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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