There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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