this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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