I'm eating all of the evidence.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
