She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
