We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
