It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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