Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
