i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
