THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
