one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's just like the Real World with babies
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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