I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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