i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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