Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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