areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
