He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He shit in the fireplace
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
