if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
