I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
