watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
