i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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