i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
