Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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