What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
