Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
