I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
