i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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