Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
