just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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