shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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