did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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