I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
