we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i drank out of a bidet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
