you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
