The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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