he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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