youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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