So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
