you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
