I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
