he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
