And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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