Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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