My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
