I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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