i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
