No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
