Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
